Saturday in the snark

1. When is the last time you took a vacation and went basically nowhere?  Was it as relaxing as previous vacations where you have actually planned a trip?  Well, let's see-there are those that would say that I have been on vacation for the last three years, but they are just jealous and I won't consider their opinion relevant.  SO THERE!  The last vacation I ever took from my previous job was in June of 2002.  I had planned it well in advance, and I had planned on going nowhere, just getting caught up on things around my house.  As it turned out, my father died the week before this planned vacation.  I decided that I would still take the vacation (this was after a week off for funeral leave) and still did nothing.  It was horrible, one of the worst decisions I ever made.  I should have gone back to work and saved the week off for a time when I could have used it.

2. Take this quiz:  Which historical lunatic are you? Were you aware that there was once an emperor of the United States?  Nor was I, until I took this quiz.  Joshua Abraham Norton, "better" known as Norton I, was self-proclaimed Emperor of the US from September 17, 1859 (146 YEARS TO THIS VERY DAY, FOR YOU COINCIDENCE FREAKS) until January 8, 1880.  A reign of 21 years ain't too shabby.  My favorite fact on the life of Norton is that his funeral was attended by over 30,000 people.

"Le Roi est Mort"

3. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #64 from Jaymi:   What is your favorite book from childhood and why? Tough one.  It comes down to "Harold and the Purple Crayon" vs. "Green Eggs and Ham" and I have to go with Seuss.  I will no eat them in a boat, I will not eat them with a goat...classic stuff.

4. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #65 from Hannah:  What book character do you most identify with and why? Another tough one.  Ten years ago I would have said Holden Caufield, but I'm too old for that now.  I'd love to say Jake from "The Sun Also Rises", but I am still better "equipped" than he.  Geez, I have no clue.  Someone who understands the world yet is always disappointed at the other idiots who inhabit the planet?  I'll have to come back to this one.

5. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #66 from Holly:  What do you think is an appropriate gift to a party? SALAD! What do you consider a quality Christmas gift from an acquaintance to a party or get together, SALAD! a friend, SALAD! and a GREAT friend? SALAD!

OK, I am off the salad kick.  I don't think you can go wrong with a bottle of wine for a party.  For a friend, I think it's better to upgrade to a good bottle of booze (love that word), and for a great friend, it all depends on what that person is like.  A great friend is someone you know well, so the gift should be unique to their personality.

6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #67 from Judi:  If you had to make a choice for the rest of your life between food and sex, which would you choose, provided the following conditions: If you chose sex, you would never feel hungry, but just wouldn't be able to enjoy a nice meal or the tastes of good food or drink; if you chose food, you would no longer have the physical intimacy and pleasure, but you still wouldn't feel deprived of it.  In other words, whichever one you choose to give up will be a series of pleasures you'll never be able to experience firsthand again. Oh for this option a few years ago when I was awash in a sea of one and totally devoid of the other!  I love food, but it would be even lovlier to not ever have to be hungry again.  It would eliminate the fact that I put way too much crap into my body and I would drop about a billion pounds.  I could get over the fact that I would not be able to enjoy a good meal out by making sure I go out with interesting people.  My life would be infinitely healthier.  This is one choice I wish was actually an option.  

I had about one thousand snappy endings to this one, but in the interests of taste and asthetics, I will refrain from continuing.