Yes, I swear I floss

Disclaimer: I have a dentist appointment in about ten hours.  I hate going to the dentist.  I'd rather be forced to sit through the Republican National Convention gavel-to-gavel.  Yes, my fear of modern dentistry is that extreme.  Apologies in advance if I seem a bit all over the place...

1. The nominations are out...and this journal got one, for "best kept secret."  I've been doing this since January 2004, and I am happy to remove the stealth from it.  And a big thanks to Jennifer (she of multiple deserved nominations, by the way), who threw my name out there first.  I appreciate it!

2. An open letter to my nephew: OK, so the Cardinals didn't make the World Series.  I think the sun still came up today.  You're 19, and I love you as much as I will love my own children, but you have no idea what true baseball suffering is.  I've got twice the baggage you have, pal, and until you've lived at least half of your life in desperation thinking that there is NO WAY that your team is going to go a FULL CENTURY without winning the World Series, I ain't got much sympathy.  Ironic, isn't it, that if you hadn't switched allegiances seven years ago you'd be basking in the glow of the White Sox, and driving me even more insane in the process.  The Cardinals haven't won the World Series since 1982?  In the words of the immortal Sam Kinnison, "You've got off light!!!"

3. I've been having a discussion with a few fellow grad students about the misinterpretation of the lyrics to an old song that make it seem like someone is taking indecent liberties with a farm animal.  It's gone on way too long, but one thing I have discovered is that if a state doesn't have a law on its books outlawing this type of thing (and I guess only 30 or so do), it's all the Democrats fault.  I wish this was part of the gag, but sadly, it's a serious "opinion".  Liberals-we stand for inconceivably high taxes, therapy for terrorists, and the right to get it on with Mr. Ed.

4. I was eating lunch at a restaurant yesterday when I had to use the men's room, and well, who was it and how did he/she decided that urinals should be filled with ice?  I hadn't seen this for a while but I have to say I find it fascinating.  Did I miss a report somewhere about the tendency of porcelain affixed to a wall to spontaneously combust?  How would you like to be one of these ice cubes?  You get poured into a machine, freeze your butt off, but once you realize that you're being made into ice, there has to be a little anticipatory excitement.  Will I be part of a cocktail?  Maybe a superstar athlete will toss me into a Ziploc bag and use me to help them recover from an injury!  So may possibilities...wait!  I think this is it, I'm being scooped out of the machine into a bucket...Yes!  Now we're in some room, and I'm being poured into a container.  What's this pink disc in here with us that smells like detergent?  What's this guy doing moving closer to us, I don't see a glass in his hand.  Hey, he's unzipping...what the?  Oh God!  It's all over me!  I'm melting...

What a way to go.  But at least it had nothing to do with a horse...