I've grown to hate October. I used to like this month. We usually have decent weather. The fall colors are in full bloom. I like football. It's a nice lull-month that exists between summer's end and the holiday season.
I don't care about any of that stuff anymore. I hate October. Why? Two words:
Let's review, shall we?
October 2003: the Cubs win three of the first four games of their playoff series with the Florida Marlins, needing to win only one of three possible remaining games to advance to the World Series for the first time in my life. They lose all three, the final two in spectacular Cubs-only fashion at Wrigley Field. The Marlins go on to crush the Yankees to win the World Series, convincing me that if the Cubs had actually made it that far, they would have beat the Yankees too.
October 2004: the Cubs implode in the beginning of the month and blow their playoff spot. The St. Louis Cardinals make the World Series. I get phone calls IMMEDIATELY after the Cardinals win the National League pennant from Cardinals fans in the stadium for the sole purpose of reminding me that it's not the Cubs going to the World Series. The Boston Red Sox win the World Series for the first time since 1918, ending the third longest championship drought in the game (the Cubs, of course, are first at 1908).
October 2005: the Cubs implode before October, but the White Sox win the most games (99) during the regular season and then coast to a 11-1 record in the post-season, winning their first World Series since 1917, ending the second longest championship drought in the game. I get several phone calls from Sox fans reminding me that it was not the Cubs that just won the World Series.
October 2006: while karma suggests that this should be the year that the Cubs end their drought, the Cubs finish one of their worst season ever (66-96). Their most heated rival, the St. Louis Cardinals, win the World Series despite winning only 83 games during the regular season. I get phone calls the second the last out of the final game is made, reminding me that it was not the Cubs who just wonthe World Series.
I have no possible idea how October 2007 could possibly be any worse. I will be living in sheer terror through next September.
Here's what has really frosted my ass these last two years: fans of both the Sox and the Cardinals who have seemed much more focused on my misery than their own happiness. I'd be happy for these people if they were just a tad more humble. Why am I supposed to be happy? Envy does not make me happy. I don't begrudge those that get to celebrate (that would be jealousy) but I don't understand why you have to share your "glee" of my misfortune with me.
My turncoat nephew used to be a Sox fan, which was hard enough for me to accept, but he went over to the even darker side a few years ago when he moved to Southern Illinois and became a Cardinals fan. He missed out last year, his choice, but gets it all remedied this year. Brilliant. He's twenty.
I'll be forty next year. I've spent the last four Octobers eating my heart out. Rip, eat, regenerate, repeat. I'm full. Next year, should someone "remind" me that the Cubs did not win the World Series, I'm going to rip my heart out and feed it to them.
I will end this by putting on my Cubs jersey and doing my best impersonation of Joan Cusack:
"Is EVERYBODY winning the World Series???"