14 September 2012
How to be a Nuisance
Walk in the middle of the street. Talk to the actors while sitting in a crowded movie theater. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. Spit in a drinking fountain. Sing along with your i-pod on the train. Say "it is what it is." Answer your cell phone in the library. Tell a friend you'll give them a ride to the airport and forget to show up. Leave the copy machine out of paper. Sit on someone's eyeglasses. Say "baby needs a new pair of shoes" at a craps table. Yell "bingo" when you get blackjack. Eat the last Twinkie and leave the box in the cabinet. Root for the Cardinals. Poke holes in bicycle tires. Tell your nephews that there is no Santa Claus. Wear baseball caps sideways. Answer "What?" to every question asked you. Swipe your neighbor's Sunday paper. Talk about your bowels. Turn the bass way up. Yodel. Don't replace your divots. Drink milk from the carton. Buy the wrong flavor ice cream. Pick your toenails. Be that person in the group that never makes a decision. Write in library books. Leave your clothes in the washing machine. Belch in church. Take pennies out of fountains. Burn the toast. Hide the remote. Carve obscenities into pumpkins. Don't squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom. Never use turn signals. Be late for everything. Lick envelopes right after finishing an Oreo. Cite Oprah. Scoff at the idea of global warming. Forget to pay the electric bill. Talk down to waiters. Call yourself a rebel. Ask people how much they weigh. Don't use coasters. Interrupt. Sneeze on the neck of the person in front of you. Throw snowballs at moving cars. Leave the windows open when it rains. Vote Republican.