Look, I know I was nice to Reagan a few days ago, and I do think that he deserves an honorable send off, but please, can they just bury him already? I've already heard, seen and read more about the man since last Saturday than I did in my whole life to that point combined-and I was a pretty inquisitive guy back when he was president. You'd think the guy invented sunlight or something. MSNBC and Fox News aren't broadcasting news anymore. They're in Love-In mode 24/7 now.
Would you wait three hours in near 100 degree heat just to spend ten seconds walking by his casket? I have friends and family that I maybe wouldn't do that for. And what's with the way some of these people are dressed? I am amazed that this has become an "it" event. The heck with The Smithsonian, honey. Were going to look at a pine box instead.
However, it was cool to see Gorbachev there today. Margaret Thatcher looked a little confused though, sort of how I expect GW to sound when he speaks at the funeral tomorrow. YOU KNOW I will be watching that. Eulogies are long enough, with him speaking and pausing after every verb he'll put half the crowd to sleep. I'm looking forward to listening to Bush 41 speak, though. He's another in what is becoming a long line of GOP retirees that I have developed a soft spot for, guys like Dole, Ford and Kemp, because they don't take themselves seriously anymore. Dole especially has demonstrated a fine sense of humor since leaving politics after losing the election in '96. If he had been that personable before hand he might have won.
I think having an airport and a battleship named for Reagan is enough. I don't think he belongs on currency, and the idea of him going on Mt. Rushmore is an insult to the men already on there.
While I am on the subject of things I have had enough of (and do I sound 85 years old today or what?), I have encountered way too many people the last few days who have done an excellent job of making me wonder how you can live so long with no active brain cells. And how they can manage to drive a car as well. To wit:
1. I was at the library Tuesday and when I went to checkout a book, the contents of my wallet fell out. Since there was a line behind me I decided to walk to my car and then put everything back into my wallet. As I was sitting in the car, not yet having turned the ignition on, a driver waiting for my spot started honking at me. I ignored her until the third honk, then I got out of the car, opened the trunk, and started rearranging things in there. She moved on. Therefore, I have established a new rule: once my car is parked, the space is mine until I have physically driven away from it. If I want to sit in my car and have a pizza delivered to it, I will. If I want to read "War and Peace" in that spot, I will. And if you honk at me, I will read it twice. It's mine. Go away.
2. I went to see Madeline Albright at a bookstore yesterday. She spoke for about twenty minutes and then answered questions before signing books for people, and she could not have been more pleasant and gracious. Before the event, an announcement was made requesting that people please turn off their cell phones. During Ms. Albright's talk, I heard at least five phones ring. So I'm thinking that I should invent a device that can jam cell phone reception in public places. Even better, maybe I can add a feature that will provide an electric shock to those who have it ring at inappropriate times. I would find the hysterical yelps of those shocked much less annoying than the ringing of the phones.
3. I've barely avoided three different accidents in the last two days that were the result of another person not bothering to use a turn signal when changing lanes. I'm not clairvoyant. When I look before changing lanes and you are not signaling, I assume you are going to stay in the line you are presently in. And when I cut you off, please notice my signal was on, yours wasn't, and therefore by definition you are at fault. I notice that there seems to be a new tradition around here where drivers acknowledge that they have made a mistake by holding their middle finger outside their window. It seems to be really catching on.
Time for my geritol.