1. Who was the last person you sent flowers to? Who was the last person to send you flowers? I can't remember. I think I have only sent flowers to someone maybe five times ever. The last time has got to be at least five years ago. No one has ever sent me flowers. I've been sent flour, but that was a disaster that I would rather not discuss.
2. What is your favorite single piece of furniture in your home and why? We have a king size bed. Might as well be a cloud. You ever see the cartoon with the dog that floats in the air every time someone gives him a dog biscuit? That's me when I go to bed. Every night.
3. You are given the chance to model clothing in a catalog. What type of clothing would you most want to model and why? I cannot think of any circumstance where I would want to model for a catalog. I can't even think of a good smart ass response for this. I am truly stumped. Wait, of course, what am I thinking? The answer is so obvious: Victoria's Secret. Yeah, I've got a secret, and it's name is NOT Victoria!
4. Take this quiz: What is your "power color?" Lime green. I think I mistakenly took the "what type of sherbert are you" quiz instead. How is lime green a "power color"? Are there other shades of green that are also considered powerful? Why can't I be hunter green, dark and mysterious? Or kelly green, drunk and Irish? Are there 64 types of power colors? Can I buy them all together in a box that has its own sharpener somewhere?
5. What product are you mostly likely to buy in bulk? Have you figured out whether you actually are saving money by doing so? I don't buy things in bulk, but my wife does sometimes. The last thing she bought in bulk that I use is a bottle of vitamins. They came in a bottle of 500, and they are the size of walnuts, so it's a large bottle. But back to the end of my last response: I think the sharpener on the back of the 64 count crayola crayon is the single most UNDER RATED technological advancement in the history of mankind. Who didn't get a kick out of sharpening crayons? And what happened to the shavings? It's like they got sucked into some black hole. All matter that has formed in the universe since 1970 has been composed entirely of crayon shavings. Cosmologists across the land, rejoice! The secret to the universe is...colored wax.
6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #75 from Mortimer: Now that winter is approaching, what is your ultimate comfort food? What guilty pleasure do you eat that is sinfully not good for you but, you can't get enough? Geez, after reading this question, I don't think I enjoy food enough. I get the feeling that I should be filling up a giant vat with some type of food, then leaping in and spending the winter eating my way out of it. Hmm, winter approaching, and I still haven't filled up any tree stumps with walnuts yet. I don't think I have any comfort foods, certainly none that I feel guilty about eating, though wouldn't it be amusing if eating too much of a food made you drunk like liquor does? Can you imagine the hangover you'd get from two pints of Cherry Garcia? And I feel that before I end this I should explain that I would want to model for a "Victoria's Secret" catalog not because I look good in lingerie, but because we should all simply AIM HIGH.