31 January 2007

Don't write angry

Too late.

This is what I get for stopping on Fox News while channel surfing.  Hannity & Colmes.  What was I thinking?  The topic: global warming, in advance of the report that is being released by the UN this week on climate change in relation to human activity.  Two "experts" were included in this debate, two science professors from schools that I have never heard of, and (surprise, surprise) they were adamant that the idea that man is in any way responsible for global warming is preposterous. The basis for their opinion was the "fact" that there is "no evidence" that shows man has had an affect on Earth's climate.

A "network" that claims to be "fair and balanced" would surely counter with the idea that there is no evidence that man hasn't contributed to warming as well, correct?

In his resplendent smugness, Sean Hannity mentioned Al Gore 57 times in about five minutes, how evil he is that he has politicized the issue of the environment.  One wonders what Hannity sees when he looks into a mirror.

This really isn't about Fox.  I saw a piece on Keith Olbermann's show as well, which was more from a pro-environment side, if you can imagine (too bad there is no sarcasm font available) and I found myself aggravated as well.

In the matter of ten minutes, I was reminded twice that global warming has become a hot-button political issue.  And that makes me insane.  Why is this right vs. left?  I understand how each side feels about sub-issues ie. the Democrats are pro-environment and the GOP are pro-business, but this is something that has the potential to affect everyone, so why is it reduced to red vs. blue?

I know that there have been plenty of Republicans who have said that they believe that global warming has to be addressed, and good for them, but it's just talk.  The Democrats have talked as well.  Nothing is getting done.

I shake my head when Senator Jim Inhofe from Oklahoma gets on television and says that global warming is a "hoax", that God would never allow his creation to destroy this planet (did I miss when the ICBMs started growing on trees then?) and makes it plain that as long as he sits on the environmental committee (which he used to chair-another reason to thank God for the 2006 election results) that he will fight every single pro-environment measure (see his wikipedia page for a detailed synopsis of his environmental views.  The man is a national treasure.  Where's that font???).

And I'm not all that fond of Al Gore either.  He's a polarizing figure, and he knows it.  Yet he made sure that he is the one on stage for almost all of An Inconvenient Truth.  Gore could be on stage reading Sesame Street scenes and it would cause a political firestorm.  He can't escape the fact that so many people dislike him simply because of his politics, and therefore believe that everything he gets involved with is strictly for political gain.

Gore has stated again and again and again that global warming should not be considered a political issue.  If he was 100% serious about this, he would have had someone else giving the lectures in the documentary.  The man loves the sound of his own voice.  He may be noble to the cause, but there is plenty of ego there.

A few years ago I was spending a few days in Portland, Oregon and ventured over to Powell's (by far the most amazing bookstore I have ever seen).  In my hours of wandering I came across the science section and noticed a book called The Life and Death of Planet Earth.  I am somewhat of a fatalist.  The title of this book intrigued me, so I started to read. 

I wound up sitting there, on the floor, for two hours, reading the book in its entirety.  A lot of it I already knew-how the Earth was formed, how it goes through climate cycles, how there will be ice ages again, and eventually, many years from now, how it will die.  And the consensus of the two men who wrote the book is that man is probably incapable of doing much to alter this cycle, but it could certainly speed it up.

The closest planet to Earth is also the one that most resembles our planet with respect to size: Venus.  It's sometimes referred to as Earth's sister planet.  But upon closer scrutiny, the two planets probably could not be more different.

At least for now.

There's a reason that NASA talks about going to Mars one day but never mentions going to Venus.  No one has actually seen the surface of Venus-it's perpetually shrouded in heavy clouds; maps and images of the surface have all been done scientifically.  You just can't see what's going on on Venus.  NASA can't land a probe there either.  The air pressure on the surface of the planet is estimated to be ninety (that's 9-0) times that of Earth.  Probes that have studied Venus from above its atmosphere have been crushed once they descended through, well before reaching the surface.

Like Earth, Venus has an atmosphere dominated in composition by a single gas.  Unlike Earth, which has an atmosphere dominated by nitrogen (78%, oxygen is 20%), Venus is 96.5 % carbon dioxide, which means most of the sunlight that makes it way to Venus never leaves; the ultraviolet waves (and its radiation) are trapped by the massive amounts of carbon dioxide.

The average temperature on Venus is over 900 degrees Fahrenheit.  No planet is hotter, not even Mercury (average 800), which sits closer to the sun.

Why the science lesson?  Well, every time I hear someone say that global warming is a myth, I want to ask them if they've been to Venus lately.  As more carbon dioxide finds its way into Earth's atmosphere, less sunlight escapes from the atmosphere, and it gets hotter.  We need carbon dioxide; humans exhale it and plants inhale it.  We'd be dead without it.  But like anything else essential for human life (water, iron, etc.) too much of it can kill you.

The single greatest invention in modern history (say the last 150 years) is probably the combustion engine.  Without it, we don't fly, we don't drive, we don't do a lot of things.  It has made the world smaller, more accessible.  But it has also made us more vulnerable, because when a combustion engine creates energy, it also creates carbon dioxide, which goes straight into the atmosphere.  In the last one hundred years, since the combustion engine was invented and utilized around the world, the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere has tripled. 

It seems that it should be hotter, and it is.  Winter barley exists in Chicago anymore.  It's snowed more than an inch twice.  2006 was the hottest year on record ever, worldwide.  2007 is projected to be hotter.

Now it might be just the evolutionary cycle of the Earth.  But what if it isn't?  Or what if our advances in technology are accelerating this warming?  Wouldn't we want to do anything and everything possible to avoid it?

We don't know what we are doing to this planet.  It might be nothing.  It could be something.  It seems that the way to react to it is assume that we are doing nothing.

Why? Simple. Even if we are contributing to the demise of this planet, the real effects won't be felt for at least three or four generations to come.  Some forecasts say that if the arctic ice continues to melt that the ocean levels will rise enough to have Manhattan completely under water in 150 years.

But the dead don't care if New York City becomes the new Atlantis.

Hey, why should we?  Let's live for the now, baby!  Buy that new SUV, or even better, splurge on that 8 mile per gallon Hummer.  Crank up the air conditioning, build more coal plants!  This is our planet, let's enjoy it now.  Who cares about those who won't be born for another hundred years? (more font, please!)

I'm not advocating the elimination of fuel combustion, nor do I believe that this country could get anywhere near the point where we do not have smokestacks belching coal remnants into the atmosphere. I understand that economic factors have to be taken into consideration.  Everything has a cost.  I may not like it, but I understand it.

I'm trying to come up with an analogy here, and I think I found one that works.  Say you decide that you need to buy a gun so that you feel protected in your own house.  That's your 2nd Amendment right.  Let's also say that you have three small, extremely curious children living with you.  What are you going to do with the gun?  Will you leave it out in the open, loaded, with no safety precautions, or will you lock it up, keep it out of reach, so that none of the kids can get to it?

You know what you are going to do.  You're going to lock it up, because even if you told your kids not to touch the gun, even if they never, ever do anything that they are told not to do, even if you trust them to always do the right thing, there is always the possibility that somehow, someday, that gun could go off in one of your children's hand if you leave it out unprotected.

You're going to lock up that gun, because even though there's a 99.9 % chance that your kids will never touch it, 99.9 % is not 100%.  If you leave that gun out, someone might get killed.

We might be accelerating the demise of our coastal cities, our species, our planet.  The truth is that none of us will be around long enough to know just what the actuality is, if global warming will be as catastrophic as some claim it will.

But the potential is there, so why wouldn't we take action?  How long do we have to wait?  Do something.

People like Senator Inhofe, who believe that there is no possibility that global warming exists, need to do two things, in this order:

1. Take a little vacation. To Venus.  My treat.

2. Lock up their guns. 

 

17 January 2007

Hey look, it's working

I am entirely too dependent upon technology.  It's been almost three weeks since I've written anything here and, not coincidentally, that was the last day that my laptop decided to recognize the wireless signal in our home.  I've been trying to figure it out ever since with no success, despite the many, many, many, many attempts of myself and my brother, who thinks I am Typhoid Mary when it comes to electronics.

Yesterday it all came back.  I did nothing.  It just decided to work again.  So here I am.  There's been a lot in the last seventeen days that I would have written about if I weren't fighting the urge to chuck an Inspiron out the window.  I give an abbreviated version here:

1. I have a brand new niece, born a week ago Monday, and dammit, she's just about the cutest thing on the Earth right now.  She was breaking hearts already in the nursery I bet.  Get used to it boys.

2. Where the hell is winter?  We finished a Seattle-like run recently, forty degrees an dreary every single day for ten days, which is what winter in Chicago is becoming.  But global warming is a myth!  It's cold now, but we've become such wuss-bags here that everyone freaks out when it gets down to 20, which is what it is now.  I'm actually a little jealous of the folks in Denver with all the snow they've had this year.  It's snowed twice here this winter.  Twice.  And the last one was a dusting of an inch or so after a steady rain that would have been ten inches had it been five degrees colder.  Rain in January is torture.  Spring better be here by Valentine's Day.

3. On a related note, we were in Kansas City this past weekend, where it was colder, snowier and icier than it was here, and you would have thought that the world was coming to an end with the way the people there were reacting.  Did I just see a snowflake?  RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!  Look, sleet!  Where's my "The World Is Coming to an End" sandwich board?  We were in the main shopping district Saturday night (The Plaza), the busiest part of town, and the streets were empty.  We tried to go into a Barnes and Noble but it was closed.  According to the sign, they had closer early "for the safety of our booksellers."  It was 20 degress with an inch of snow on the ground.

4. I have little to say about our Worst. President. Ever. and his new idea to send more troops to get killed in Iraq.  I did not watch the Worst. President. Ever. give his speech last week.  I can't watch him anymore, so I wait until transcripts are posted and read them instead.  He's doing the wrong thing again, surprise, and I love those who scream that at least it's a plan, like you have to do something instead of nothing.  And then there are those who blame it all on the Democrats (big surprise here) and conveniently forgot about the ever-increasing numbers of those in the GOP who think our Worst. President. Ever. is crazy.  Remember folks, no matter what anyone else says, nobody puts American troops in more harm than our Worst. President. Ever.  Enjoy the ride down, W.

5. Am I supposed to be happy that Saddam Hussein is dead?  WOO HOO!  There's some vengeance for ya!  YEEHAW!  I don' get how people can be so hell bent on capital punishment.  Which do you think Hussein preferred-the gallows, or a six-by-six hole in the ground where people were welcome to come toss anything at him that they wanted?  I remember thinking that when I visitied the memorial in Oklahoma City that instead of executing Timothy McVeigh that they should have imprisoned him at one end, in a small plexiglass cell with nothing, no bed, plumbing, light etc. and just let him suffer the humiliation of people taunting him for the rest of his days.  Faced with the choice of death or perpetual imprisonent in a small cement cell with no privileges I'd be cheering on the lethal injection machine big time.  And I didn't even touch on the Saddm-as-martyr issue...

6. Bears vs. Saints this Sunday, winner goes to the Super Bowl.  Lived in Chicago all my life.  No one was happier to see the Bears win Super Bowl XX than me, and this Sunday I root for...the Saints.  They've suffered more, and I'm not talking about anything related to Katrina.  The Saints are about the worst franchise in the history of the NFL, yet they have had a rabid, loyal fanbase forever.  Plus, I have to admit that I completely enjoy the devastation of the morons who paint their faces and show up to Soldier Filed with their shirts off on a thirty degree day.  Watch a ten o'clock newscast on a game day here and you will know exactly what I am talking about.  Saints 24 Bears 20.  And if I'm wrong I get to watch my hometown team in the Super Bowl.  It's a win-win.

7. Barack Obama is making a huge mistake.  He should wait at least four years to run for president.  His term as a senator expires in 2010, which is also the next gubernatorial election in Illinois.  We'll all be hankering for a new governor by then, and he should run.  Governors win presidential elections these days.  He could run in 2012 if the GOP keeps the presidency or wait until 2016 if the Democrats get the White House back in 2008.  For the life of me, I don't know why anyone would want to follow our Worst. President. Ever. into the White House.  That will be the equivalent of cleaning ten million port-a-johns at a metamucil festival.

30 December 2006

The Soundtrack (?) of my Life

I usually ignore stuff like this, but a friend sent it to me and it gives me an excuse to listen to my new Ipod dock.  And write something.  The 'pod is on random, and these are the first 17 songs that come up:

Opening Credits:
Won't Get Fooled Again-The Who  This would seem to imply that I've been this way at least once before, or maybe in a previous life I was David Caruso.  "What we do know, is that I was once a cow, and it's time to slaughter the butcher."

Waking Up:
Shiny Happy People-REM  This could not be more wrong, unless the next line is "that I've shot because I hate people in the morning." 

First Day At School:
Picnic-Sideways movie soundtrack  "Wine Safari" from this movie would have been a better choice, as I frequently felt like I wandered while walking to school for ten years (except I never drank any wine en route).

Falling In Love:
Fade Into You-Mazzy Star  Gag.  Let's just move on. 

Fight Song:
South Central Rain-REM  Does the fact that Michael Stipe whines "I'm Sorry" five billion times in this song mean I am a wuss?

Breaking Up:
Down to the River to Pray-Allison Krauss/O Brother Wher Art Thou soundtrack  I don't think I've ever broke up with anyone, and if I had, I don't think I would have felt the urge to go down to the river.  Unless it was to live in a van.

Prom:
In the Evening-Led Zeppelin  Went to two proms, and they were both in the evening.  OOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Life:
Boy in the Bubble-Paul Simon  Perfect, until five or so years ago.

Mental Breakdown:
Are You Some Kind of Hypnotist?-The Flaming Lips  Well, are you?  I can't think of anything else to say.  These walls sure are pretty!

Driving:
Some Might Say-Oasis  This is indeed one of my all time favorite driving songs.

Flashback:
All She Wants to Do is Dance-Don Henley  No literal connection here, though this song was playing at an exact pointin time circa 1985 that I would like to forget about completely, and no, I am not elaborating.  I saw the video for this song on "The Tube" this morning and now I have been reminded of this incident twice in ten hours.  I shall now scrub my hippocampus with a brillo pad.

Wedding:
Reelin' in the Years-Steely Dan  You've been telling me that you're a genius since you were seventeen.  After all this time I still don't know what you mean!

Birth of Child:
Signs of Love-Moby  Considering the refrain of this song is "I fly so high, then fall so low" I am led to believe that when we do have a child, he/she will either be born on an airplane or will be a complete hellion.

Final Battle:
Marble Halls-Enya  Does this mean that I am to die amongst that hallowed fields of Ireland?  Or do I trip in a hallway strewn with many marbles?

Death Scene:
Crazy Love-Paul Simon  This makes absolutely no sense.  There's nothing in the song about death.  If I were to die to this song, people would come to my grave and mock me endlessly.  "Nice death scene, Shakespeare."

Funeral Song:
Across the River-Bruce Hornsby  Fun.  Apparently I can make my reservation to go across the Styx.  Like I will sleep tonight.  Charon-party of one?

End Credit:
Just a Job to Do-Genesis  That's it?  And lo the irony of having a life end with a song from the band named after the book of the Bible that covers creation.  That'll learn me.

18 December 2006

Three down, two to go

It's been a long two weeks.  I hope Alec Baldwin was enough to tide everyone (all seven of you) over.  It still cracks me up every single time.

Today was the official end of my third semester as a graduate student.  Two more to go before I return to the Real World after what will then be a five year absence. 

Wow.  I have to let that sink in for a second.

This was a strange semester.  First, because of scheduling conflicts (the university's, not mine) I only took two classes, as opposed to three in each of my prior semesters.  Despite this, I felt much busier this semester than I ever did in times before.  I'm not really sure why.  I do know that my nonfiction workshop (my concentration) had more assignments than any other I've taken, and the literature class (on film, thank goodness) kept my interest, so I was always up for some work.

No matter how well I think I plan, the last few weeks of every semester always kick me in the back side.  First was a fifteen page paper on Eastwood's Unforgiven that I turned into eighteen pages. I had a lot of things to say.  Three days later I had a "profile" assignment due in nonfiction, one that I did not particularly enjoy and resulted in me spending more time on it than I anticipated because I thought it was crap.  I hate turning in crap.  It was received better than I expected, but I'm still not happy with it.  After that, I had to prepare for a final oral assignment on American Beauty. 

Right now, one of my ideas of hell is a double feature of Unforgiven and American Beauty.  Don't get me wrong, I love both movies, but I've seen enough of both to last until 2010.

Then on the 12th I had the Democracy Burlesque show (they might want to think about updating their website. I'm just saying)-more on this later.  After that, my final portfolio was due for nonfiction . . . blah blah blah.  Is this even interesting?

I did have a reading Friday downtown, and I nailed it.  Two "public" appearances in four days.  Obviously I am still asleep.

I'm looking forward to a little down time, but in all honesty I have a ton of stuff to do.  I have a pile of reading material in my basement that has to be dealt with before it spontaneously-combusts (which is what my wife will swear happened as she holds the smoldering match in her hand, and I can't say that I will blame her) and I have to start organizing my thesis since this upcoming semester is when I start turning in portions of it for review.  I have a lot of material written so I am not worried about content, but I am concerned about style.  Whatever.  It is going to keep me plenty busy.  The start of the next semester is five weeks away.

I need to do better at keeping this up to date as well.  I always write better in the other parts of my life when I visit here and update often.

Back to the twelfth: it was fun, interesting to see people performing something you wrote, knowing what words are going to come next (and cringing when they are messed up) and gauging reaction to what you thought was going to happen.  There were some lines that I thought were hysterical that got nothing, and parts that I thought were just filler that got a lot of laughs.  I got great support from my family, my brother, sister-in-law, mother and wife were all able to attend.

And, as we will see, my brother is quite talented with the video camera.  Here it is, in all it's glory: "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year."

(It does have some salty language, if that stuff offends you.  Not a lot, but fair warning.)

 

 

02 December 2006

"I'm metal from the waist down!"

Don't know how long this will stay up, as NBC usually gets snarky and makes youtube remove anything posted from SNL as soon as they realize it is on there. I hardly ever watch the show anymore becomes it just isn't funny, but if they made Alec Baldwin the permanent host, I'd never miss it again.

30 November 2006

Back to you in the studio, moron

Wow.  I just learned something from watching the local news:

Sometimes, it SNOWS in Chicago!

What a bunch of troglodytes we have for a news media here.  Tomorrow is December 1 and to ring in the new month we are going to be socked good by a major snowstorm, maybe even a blizzard.  If you watch the news, you'd think it never happened before.

Let's go live to a local hardware store and see what people are buying!  Snow shovels?  Salt? A snowblower or two?  WOW!  I'd think lawn mowers would be HOT this time of year, you know, gifts for your favorite lawn care professional.

Over at the grocery store, people are stocking up on water and other assorted types of food?  You're kidding!  I would think that with the impending storm that folks would be making dinner reservations at restaurants all over the city.  Who wants to be stuck inside cooking in winter weather?

I actually heard someone on a broadcast this afternoon say "Don't go outside tomorrow without a jacket."  Can I still bring my SPF 3,212?

But the best news coverage will come when the storm is over, and your faithful roving reporter will head out to the side streets of the city to report on what people are using to "save" parking spots that they have shoveled out for themselves.  I can't wait to see the assortment of lawn chairs, card tables, and garbage cans.

Remind me again why I have a television?

21 November 2006

We all got it coming, kid

I watched two movies last Friday.

It was a mighty depressing day.  I had trouble sleeping so I was up early, by seven, after only a few hours sleep.  It was overcast outside, the clouds hanging low enough to feel them breathing on your neck.  I was flipping through the channels when I came across a movie on the Independent Film Channel that was just starting, called The Grey Zone.  I had never heard of it.  It tells the story of a certain group of Jewish people at Auschwitz, the Sonderkomando, (can't find anything on line to adequately explain them better than I can after seeing this movie), who were forced to work in the gas chambers and crematoriums of the camp.  It was a positively gut-wrenching movie, as brutal a depiction of the Holocaust as anything I have ever seen, read or heard.  Throughout I kept telling myself that I was going to be massively depressed if I kept watching to the finish but I couldn't turn it off.  I felt obligated to watch the whole thing.

It's a powerful movie, but it is extremely difficult to watch.  And it did its job, adding to an already miserable day.  Man, was I down by noon Friday.  I got testy with a telemarketer who had the unfortunate fate of calling here in the early afternoon.  I usually do not answer calls that I don't recognize, but I was in the mood to make someone else miserable.  I also fell off a chair onto a hardwood floor reaching for something by my desk, one of those moments when it seems like you are moving in slow motion, long enough for you to think "I'm going to hit the floor hard, and it's going to really hurt."  I landed on my hip.  Good thing I am not forty years older.

In the late afternoon, I watched A Prairie Home Companion.  I enjoyed it, but it's not exactly a pick-me-up film either.  There's a ton of references to death, both literal and figurative.  It's a movie that reminds you constantly that you are going to die someday.

The movie was directed by Robert Altman, whose "someday" came yesterday at the ripe old age of 81 (insert trumpets ofirony here).  There's a profound line in the middle of the movie: "The death of an old man is not a tragedy."  That's correct.  I don't think I have ever heard of the death of someone in their eighties and thought "what a tragedy."  Rather I tend to think how fortunate that person was, to have lived that long and experience so much.  It's staggering to think about all the things that have happened in this world since 1925.

But then I remember the scenes in the first movie showing the bodies of children being tossed into mass graves, and I am reminded that there are no guarantees that any of us will live as long as Robert Altman.  Who knows, I might not even live another 81 more minutes.

(I have to go to the dentist tomorrow.  I will not miss that when I am dead.)

I'm starting to ramble.  I probably should have not watched another movie today, but I am taking a film class this semester and have to write a final paper on a film of my choice.  I wanted to select a film that I really like, and after making a list of about ten possibilities I decided on Unforgiven. Again, not exactly a pick-me-up but it's such a beautifully shot film.  I love the underlying theme of redemption in the movie.  It has a lot of great scenes, and the best is towards the end. Will Munny (Clint Eastwood) and the Scholfied kid are in a field, the kid sitting against a tree, falling apart because he just killed someone for the first time.  He starts talking about how unbelievable it is, that the man he killed isn't ever going to breathe again, and then takes a big swig from a bottle of whiskey, holding back tears.  The camera cuts to Eastwood, we see the gray sky behind him and hear the wind.  It's quiet for a moment.  What follows is my all-time favorite dialogue in movie history: 

Will Munny: It's a hell of a thing, killing a man.  You take away all he's got, and all he's ever gonna have.
The Schofield Kid: Yeah, well, I guess he had it coming.
Will Munny: We all got it coming, kid.

Indeed, we do.