22 January 2005

On time for a change

1. Which of the following is your favorite store and why?  
A) Wal-Mart
B) Target
C) K Mart
D) Sears
Target, almost by default, as I'm not much for shopping.  I loathe Wal-Mart.  Ever notice how every Wal-Mart you go into looks like the one in Tupelo, Mississippi no matter where you are?  K-mart and Sears are boring.  Target has decent prices.  My soon-to-be wife is addicted to Target as well.


2. How far does your closest friend who's not in the same town as you live, and when was the last time you saw them in person?  Hmm, ambiguity.  Do we mean "closest" in terms of distance, or "closest" in terms of overall chuminess?  I'll go with my buddy Dwight who lives about twenty-five miles south of me, though we grew up in the same town together.  I last saw him in early December when we went to a college basketball game together, but we talk frequently.

3. Have you ever gone on a date with someone you met online?  Would you?  Would I?  I'll go even further and tell you that I'd marry someone I met that way (on April 22, 2005...) the whole story is here, and yeah, it gets a little mushy in the end, but so what?  And while it's true it was as much as a newspaper meeting as anything, we did get to know each other on the Internet before we ever met in person.

4. What is your favorite novel and what makes it stand out for you?  Hemingway's "The Sun Also Rises."  I love the description of Spain during the Festivals.  I love the dialogue.  I love the story.  It just fits me.  I want to be Jake, except with all my "parts" working.  I read this book once every year.

5. You get snowed in at your home for three days.  You have power and telephone service, but no way to leave the house.  How will you amuse yourself?  Read.  Sleep.  Get caught up on the three thousand vieotapes of shows I have.  Surf the Internet.  Talk to people.  Become really sad when the snow melts.

6. A fellow journaler you consider a friend disappears from J-land.  Visitors leave comments in the journal but they get no response.  You send the journaler an E-mail to make sure everything is okay, and despite the fact that you see that it has been read, you get no reply.  What do you do?  Hope he/she is doing well and that they eventually reconnect with the world.  I think it's important to realize that in situations like this that there are very clear boundaries that have formed.  It's normal to be curious but when something like this happens, there's so much more going on than one could ever realize by just being Internet pals.


20 January 2005

Another heathen exposed!

I swear, I can't make up stuff this good.

Today's New York Times (I'll link it, but the elites at the NYT make you register to read it.  Trust me, I can explain it well enough without reading it.) gives an account on the new target of the homophobic right:

SpongeBob SquarePants!

Dr. James Dobson, the president of "Focus on the Family" actually devoted time during an address at a black-tie event in Washington last night to attack SpongeBob as a weapon of the pro-gay groups.

Well, it's about time someone realized this.

The citizens of this fine, morally upstanding country are being bombarded constantly by this, this absorbent creature of the homosexual agenda.

Don't think so?  Why just look at the lyrics to his theme song!

Captain:  Are you ready kids?

Kids:       Aye, aye Captain!

Captain:  I can’t hear you!

Kids:      Aye, aye, Captain!!!

Captain:  Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Kids:      SpongeBob SquarePants!

 

(Aha!  Here’s the first clue-anybody knows that “a pineapple under the sea” is code for “embraces and promotes the gay lifestyle!”)

 

Captain:  Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!

Kids:      SpongeBob SquarePants!

 

(There’s that word again, “absorbent”; filth!  And yellow!  What more gay color can you get for a sponge?  And Porous?  Doesn’t that mean one that easily dispenses fluid, hmm?  Absorbent AND porous?  Easily retaining and dispensing fluid?  Don't think I don't see where this is heading!  Those poor children!)

 

Captain:  If nautical nonsense be something you wish…

Kids:     SpongeBob SquarePants!

Captain:  Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!

 

Now, you may read that as "nautical nonsense," but I see it for what it obviously is: jumping into the water unclothed with members of your sex playing such games as "is that really an oyster?" and "let's see what Malcolm caught in his big net."

 

And it has also come to my attention that "flop like a fish" is code for "Hey kids, tonight around the campfire, burn your Bibles and embrace Satan!"

 

I do feel safer knowing that SpongeBob has been rightfully exposed as one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, who as we all know will show up and lead us into the pit fires of hell once the gay agenda has been embraced by all.  Tinky-Winky of Teletubbies was the first, you recall, thanks to the glorious Rev. Falwell a few years ago.

 

Two down, two to go.

 

Anyone seen Popeye lately?

 

 

 

19 January 2005

The Big Day

TOMORROW'S THE BIG DAY!!!

You may think that I am referring to Inauguration Day as "The Big Day."  Not really.  I'm not particularly excited about that.  No, tomorrow is, in fact, what I'd like to call:

JIM-HOG DAY

Tomorrow is the day I come out of my hole in the ground and look East towards DC.  If I see shadows of arrogance, lies and other assorted BS, then we'll have four more years of cynicism.

Early line?  Bet on it, folks!

I've been so low key on politics since the election that I've had to check my pulse several times.  I've let a lot of things slide since November 2.  Originally I vowed to take a month long break immediately after the election, but I never got my mojo back once December came 'round.  I just didn't have the heart to comment on anything mildly political.

You can just imagine what I might have said about:

-The Dept. of Education spending $240,000 in taxpayer money to have a political columnist rave about the No Child Left Behind Act.

-The GOP leaders in Congress changing the rules so that any member under indictment WOULD NOT have to resign, just in time for the pending indictment of Tom DeLay.

-The appointment of Condoleeza "I have the hairstyle of Lucy from the 'Peanuts' comic strip" Rice as the next Sec. of State.

-And my all time favorite, the announcement that the search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq had "ended," with the smaller resulting line of "there were none..."

So many missed opportunities...

I have no regrets, though.  I needed the break.  As I said immediately after the election, I have no intention of genuflecting in the direction of W, and I hope to high heaven that the democratic "leaders" in Congress don't either.  The gloves went on for a while after November 2. 

'Tis time they came off.

Ciao.

18 January 2005

I remember

I'm as timely as ever, getting to work on a piece about MLK Day just as the clock is about to strike midnight, and this day passes until 2006.

As a white male who grew up in middle class suburbia, I can now look back at my upbringing and say that it was privileged.  I hate to say that, because I don't mean to convey that I was or am better than anyone else.  I can't say lucky because I think that denigrates the sacrifices that my parents made in order for their children to have the opportunities that we did.

We were fortunate.  We went to good schools and felt safe.  We took so much for granted.

I read a lot when I was a kid, so I was introduced to the class struggles all over the world at a relatively early age.  I found it amazing that certain groups of people would treat others poorly based on the amount of money that they had, or what religion they chose to follow.  I am sure that the first example of this was the story of Thanksgiving, how we learned that the pilgrims decided to sail to the New World because they were being persecuted in England because they did not want to follow a certain faith.  It wasn't until I was ten years old, I believe, that I truly understood that society had also created problems based solely upon the color of people's skin.

That was when I watched "Roots" on television.  I'll never forgot watching the first episode, and seeing how the white men captured native Africans, put them in chains and forced them into ships that took them overseas to a lifetime of slavery, if they managed to survive the inhumane conditions on board.  I couldn't believe that people could treat each other like that.

I know that "Roots" is ultimately a story of triumph and survival but I never got past the first episode, how cruel it was.  As I watched the remainder of the series, I never forgot how it all began.  As I said, I was ten, but I know that it had a profound affect on me, and made me want to treat all people better.  Between that and the lessons of my upbringing, I think I did OK with how I felt about everyone, but my experiences with minorities were few until I graduated college and went to work in the retail field.

Fast forward almost twenty years after "Roots": I am now a general manager for a retail drug store chain in Chicago, working at a store near the lakefront on the North side.  One afternoon I got a call from my boss, who wanted to see me at the corporate offices ASAP.  I knew what that meant, they wanted to transfer me to a different location.  So I was not all that surprised when I arrived there and he told me that I was being moved.

I was surprised at where I was being moved.  There's a neighborhood on the West side of Chicago called Humboldt Park and we had a store located there.  I had never stepped inside the place, but I had heard a whole bunch of horror stories about it: out of control shoplifting, drug dealing, looting after the Bulls won the championship, etc.  This store was always on my short list of what I used to call "Please don't send me there" stores.

Guess I could cross that one off!

I went.  I was definitely the "minority" at the store.  There were days when I never saw another white person until I left the city.  I spent a year running that store, and now that my retail management career is over, I can honestly say that this was the best year of my career.  This is the only store I ever worked at where 100% of the staff lived in the neighborhood around the store; I was the only person who didn't live nearby.  I never saw more smiles or heard more laughter than I did here.  I never met more family members of staff than I did here.  I never had more people bring me samples of food that they made at home here. 

And I never had a better overall store performance pertaining to budgets, expenses and other "corporate stuff" than I did here. 

I never felt more welcomed and respected than I did here.  And all my other stores put together failed to have the sense of pride that this store did.

I wasn't happy when I was transferred to this store.  I allowed myself to get caught up in all the rumors and innuendos about it.  It sounded like a tremendous challenge, and quite frankly I had spent my entire career up until this point dealing with challenges.  I wanted a store somewhere out in the burbs, with a veteran crew that was no-nonsense.  I wanted a store that "ran itself."

I was lucky.  I got one.  I can't help but look back at my trepidation now with embarrassment.  I allowed stereotyping to form an opinion when I should have waited until I had a chance to experience things first hand.  When they transferred meout of this store, they almost had to drag me out of there.  This is still the only place where people cried with sadness at news that I was leaving (trust me, at other locations many, many, many people cried in happiness when I left...); this store and I were a perfect fit.

If there is one thing I am thankful for concerning my former career, it is the lesson it taught me about diversity.  It should be common knowledge that all people of all creeds and races are capable of brilliance and should be treated with respect.  I can only imagine how I would have hurt the staff at Humboldt Park if I had gone in there with a chip on my shoulder and a demeaning attitude. 

I'm happy and grateful that I live in a country that honors a man like Dr. King, who gave his life trying to get everyone to see that message, that all men are created equal, that we are all entitled to the same rights.  There are points in our history that are shameful and it is important that we teach our kids about it, so that they recognize it and know that it cannot be tolerated again.

I know that I can never truly appreciate the minority experience in this country because of who I am and where I came from.  I would never pretend that I do.  It's just not possible.  But I can remember one year where I was not like everyone else and I can remember that in a lot of ways, it may have been the best year of my life.

I hope I live to see a time when it is like that all around, everywhere you and I happen to go. 

15 January 2005

Because twice is better than once

In honor of just watching "Stuck On You" I will once again answer Patrick twice:

Last week:

1. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #38:  If you could live in a foreign country(or city) for one year, which would you choose and why?  New Zealand.  It's as far away from home as I can imagine, and a year would give me the time to explore both islands in full.  If I had to choose someplace I've been to, I'd say Reykjavik, Iceland, because it's as different as anything I've seen. 

2. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #39:  Did you have a security blanket, stuffed animal or toy that you were attached to as a child?  Do you still have it? No

3. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #40:  Favorite alcoholic beverage?  Guinness

4. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #41:  What was your favorite cartoon as a child?  Road Runner.  My favorite noise ever is the sound Wily E. Coyote makes as he is plunging thousands of feet into the canyon.

5. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #42:  Is there a chore you enjoy doing?  No

6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #43:  A time machine will let you travel 10 years into either the past or future.  Which would you choose and why?  The past.  I could not resist the chance to make sure certain events did not happen.  For example, I'd make sure that no one would be allowed to sit in the first few rows of the left field stands at Wrigley Field on October 14, 2003.

And now for this week:

1. You achieve a high level of fame in your chosen career.  Calls begin coming in for interviews...if you could only appear on one of the following shows, which would you select?
A) Today
B) Live! with Regis and Kelly
C) The Daily Show
D) Oprah
E) David Letterman
F) Jay Leno
G) Jerry Springer

I've been watching David Letterman for twenty years.  I'd love to be a guest on his show.
 
2. You have the opportunity tobriefly become another person in another body, then spend 48 hours alone with the real you.  Would you do it?  Absolutely.  What's not to love about me?  Seriously, it would be fascinating to spend time with "yourself" while not being "yourself."
 
3. You have the opportunity to briefly become another person in another body and live a normal life for 48 hours.  Would you dare to spend two days as a member of the opposite gender?  Again, absolutely.  It's not going to last, so why not see how the other half lives?

And I would just like to say that it took a lot of will power to resist making crass responses to those last two questions...
 
4. Compared to previous years, did you spend more or less money on Christmas gifts?  How soon do you think you'll have all of the bills for Christmas paid off?  A tad less, I think everything is about paid off.
 
5. What is the first toy you remember playing with?  One of those plastic toys filled with tiny balls that you watch run down into small holes, then flip over and do it again.  My mother was about to give it to my brother and let me try it first.  I think I was about three.
 
6. Have you ever downloaded a song or theme song for your cell phone?  If so, which one amuses you most?  If you haven't, but had to pick one, what would it be? No.  To be honest, I find them incredibly annoying, so if I did it, it would have to be the most annoying sound possible.  I'll go with the "most annoying sound ever" from "Dumb and Dumber."
 


12 January 2005

Something to (not) do next Thursday

I received this from a friend a few days ago:

Inauguration Day, Silent Protest

Since our religious leaders will not speak out against the war in Iraq, since our political leaders don't have the moral courage to oppose it, Inauguration Day, Thursday, January 20th, 2005 is "Not One Damn Dime Day" in America.

On "Not One Damn Dime Day," those who oppose what is happening in our name in Iraq can speak up with a 24-hour national boycott of all forms of consumer spending. During "Not One Damn Dime Day" please don't spend money. Not one damn dime for gasoline. Not one damn dime for necessities or for impulse purchases. Not one damn dime for anything for 24 hours.

On "Not One Damn Dime Day," please boycott Wal-Mart, Kmart and Target. Please don't go to the mall or the local convenience store. Please don't buy any fast food (or any groceries at all for that matter).  For 24 hours, please do what you can to shut the retail economy down. The object is simple. Remind the people in power that the war in Iraq is immoral and illegal; that they are responsible for starting it and that it is their responsibility to stop it. "Not One Damn Dime Day" is to remind them, too, that they work for the people of the United States of America, not for the international corporations and K Street lobbyists who represent the corporations and funnel cash into American politics.

"Not One Damn Dime Day" is about supporting the troops. The politicians put the troops in harm's way.  Now 1,200 brave young Americans and (some estimate) 100,000 Iraqis have died. The politicians owe our troops a plan -- a way to come home.

There's no rally to attend. No marching to do. No left or right wing agenda to rant about. On "Not One Damn Dime Day" you take action by doing nothing. You open your mouth by keeping your wallet closed. For 24 hours, nothing gets spent, not one damn dime, to
remind our religious leaders and our politicians of their moral responsibility to end the war in Iraq and give America back to the people.

 

********************************************************

 

Sounds like a good idea to me, a silent, non-violent way to tell King George that he doesn't have a mandate, and that not everyone agrees with his policies of arrogance.  This isn't about protesting the results of the election.  Bush won, I've dealt with it.  But just because 3% more of the people who bothered to vote thought him the better man doesn't mean that we should all fall in line like the sheep that he expects us to be.

 

There continues to be no exit strategy for the war in Iraq, the number of American casualties continues to rise, and the upcoming elections will see an increase in insurgency.  Yesterday the acting Iraqi leader acknowledged that there will not be voting in parts of the country because it will not be safe.  Upon reading this, I would assume that perhaps the powers that be would elect to postpone the elections until it is guaranteed that every Iraqi citizen can safely cast a ballot.  Of course, that will not happen, because this administration would look at a rescheduling as admitting to a mistake, and we all know how kindly Bush jumps at admitting error.

 

I will do my part next Thursday in letting the President know that I am disgusted at his callous disregard for life, his mind-numbing abuse of power, and his unfettering arrogance.  And I don't care if this protest is deemed a success.  I prefer to think of it as using a voice for the thousands of American service people who can no longer use theirs.  I screamed as loudly as I could on November 2, and I will do the same on January 20. 

 

 

Storm clouds brewing

I say this both figuratively and literally.

The latter first: apparently those of us in Chicago are going to see a lot of rain later today, a week after we saw a lot of snow.  What ever happened to straight winter?  It's almost mid-January.  We are supposed to be in the middle of a deep freeze, yet I'm hearing of flood watches for later today.  While driving earlier this morning, I saw patches of fog at ground level rolling off of snow piles from last week's storm.

And, if I may elevate myself to supreme grumpy status, why is the local news media hell bent on making the weather the lead story every night?  I'm not talking about coverage of larger events like tsunamis or California, just the local forecast.  Last week, we had ten inches of snow dumped on us.  If you watched the nightly news, you'd have though it was 100 feet.  Earlier this week, the lead story was an ice storm on its way into the city.  One of the dime-a-dozen forecasters here actually said that it was "guaranteed" that we would have transformers popping and tree limbs falling, causing blackouts and great amounts of damage.  It never happened (not that I am sad that it didn't.  I couldn't have done justice describing an ice storm better than Jennifer did.  The pictures alone were amazing.  I felt guilty even turning on a light.), which is a good thing, but is asking too much to have charges brought up against an overly hysterical weather reporter now and then?

So buckets of rain are inching their way towards Chicago, which will melt the rest of the snow, and flood an already over saturated ground.  Then we will fall into a deep freeze, as they say that the temperature will not be above freezing for the foreseeable future.

Which means that it will be 80 by Sunday.

Of greater concern to me is the approaching storm that I feel inside my head.  Simply put, I hate this time of year, and I struggle with it every year.  The sun never shines anymore.  I'd move to the arctic for the months of January and February if I could be guaranteed 100% sunshine.  Everything seems gray, from the sky to the sidewalks, to the paint job on every single home.  It brings a perpetual feeling of lethargy that I can't seem to shake, no matter how hard I try.  I have plenty of things to do and plenty of things to look forward to, yet sometimes it seems completely mundane.  Every year, as soon as the hangover from the holidays subsides, I regret the fact that humans do not hibernate.  I'd love to take a nap from now until around St. Patrick's Day.

The key to making it through these next two months is to immerse myself in things that I know I can do, like writing, reading, and research.  It seems so easy just to say that I will do it, yet I cannot fathom how difficult it seems sometimes.  There's not much I can say in terms of excuses.  I hate it when people say "snap out of it!" but truthfully I know that that is all I can do.  I have to attack these feelings.  I know that there are many worse things I could be dealing with.

It could be worse.  I could be living in Washington DC this week.