17 August 2005

Aw, man...


Why can't politics be fun?  Seriously, I was all set to be as involved as ever for the 2008 presidential race because of Walken2008.com, but now, sadly, it has been discovered that the news is false-Walken is not planning on running for President.

Do you realize what we will be missing out on?

-Dressed as The Continental (from SNL) for the State of the Union, Walken begins the speech: "You know, the State of our Union is strong, strong like the bubbles in a glass of fine champagnya..."; he then proceeds to hit on Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

-It's been a tense few days at Camp David as President Walken continues to meet with the leaders of Israel and the PLO.  After some tough, bitter negotiations, two different peace plans are still being considered, but both sides still are not happy.  Walken sees the opportunity for peace in the Middle East slipping away and knows he has to do something.  Does he offer increased economic aid?  A promise to not deploy the US military?  No.  He goes over to the CD player, pops in Fatboy Slim's "Weapon of Choice", and lays it all on the table-"You can go with this, or you can go with that"-complete with three minutes of spectacular dance moves.  Peace reigns forever.

(Side note: Watch the video, and then someone tell me how that is not the greatest music video in history?  In fact, why do they still bother making them?  At the very least, MTV ought to redesign the video music award trophies.  Ditch the astronaut and cast a mold of Walken thrusting his hips out with his hands in his pockets as he walks through the lobby.)

-President Walken, Trivial Psychic (SNL again): During a cabinet meeting Secretary of Defense Dennis Hopper approaches the President, leans over to say something quietly to him, and places his hand on his right shoulder.  Walken grabs Hopper's hand, sits up straight and says: "Today, after lunch, you're going to be five minutes late for a briefing on the Sub-Saharan Africa situation.  As you rush back to your office at the Pentagon, you decide to make a quick stop in the bathroom.  Since you're running late, you decide to zip up as you are walking towards the sink to wash your hands.  You're not going to be paying attention, and you're going to catch little Hopper in the zipper.  It's gonna hurt real bad."

-Does anyone think that the War on Terror would last another two weeks once Captain Koons from "Pulp Fiction" was on the job?  If the guy will hide a watch in his ass for five years, what's he willing to do to defeat Al-Qaeda?

-And finally, President Walken is meeting with leaders of both the House and Senate to try to find a way to fix a budget impasse which threatens to shut the government down.  He leaves the Oval Office for a moment, and the remaining politicians squabble.  After a few minutes, Walken returns and says "I got a fever!  And the only prescription is a balanced budget...and more cowbell!"  Later, when the press praises him for bartering such a quick and successful resolution, he says "I'm just like anyone else.  I put my pants on one leg at a time.  Except, after I put them on I balance federal budgets."

(If you have no idea what this is from, and really, if you don't, you need to get out more, watch this.)

I'm telling you, after just one year of this administration, we'd be banging down the doors of the US Capitol to get the 22nd Amendment to the Constitution appealed.

1 comment:

belfastcowboy75 said...

More cowbell!!!