Last night just before 7 PM I was a few miles northeast of O'Hare airport, on my way to my fiance's house, when I noticed three helicopters traveling towards the airport. This morning while reading the paper I discovered that one of these copters was shuttling the President to the airport after he appeared at a suburban rally.
Well, I thought, this certainly explains what happened as the helicopters passed over the highway...
ATTENTION: THE FOLLOWING IS A WRITER'S EMBELLISHMENT. I WILL BE KIND ENOUGH TO NOTIFY YOU WHEN THE EMBELLISHMENT IS OVER. I DO THIS SO THAT JOHN ASHCROFT, WHOM I DREAM EVERY NIGHT IS A LOYAL READER, DOES NOT HAVE TO TAKE TIME AWAY FROM COVERING NUDE STATUES TO READ THIS BECAUSE HE FEELS IT IS A THREAT. THANK YOU!
As I noticed the helicopters approaching, I felt a sudden urge to pull over to the side of the road. All the other cars did they same, and soon everyone was outside of their vehicles, standing on the road, looking up at the copters, which had slowed down as they crossed the plane of the highway.
And then, suddenly, from the last helicopter, a steady stream of a greenish-brown substance fell from its open door. Barrels and barrels of the stuff fell from the sky, and it landed with a splatteing THUMP! Some people on the ground reacted with horror and got back into their cars to escape the deluge, but others reacted with excitement and positioned themselves so that the stuff covered them from head to toe. Excitedly, they rubbed it fully into themselves, and helped others cover themselves with it as well. Soon there were a large group of people standing in the road covered with the stuff falling from the skies, enthralled with their luck, chastising the people who had fled back to their cars.
Myself, I stood a few feet from my car, lucky enough to avoid the cascade, but close enough to see it, and more importantly, smell it. The stench was easily detectable, we were being bombarded by bullshit.
I looked up and could see into the helicopter. I could see a former Governor of Texas, a uniter, not a divider, a champion of "compassion", leaning over outside of the copter. The stream falling onto the people in the road came straight out of his mouth. It was all over in a few minutes. As he sat back up into the helicopter he grabbed a megaphone and spoke to the people below:
"Don't worry," he said "there's plenty more where that came from."
Was it ever?