23 November 2004

Santa (Oprah?) baby

I was up late last night, waiting for the right time to go to sleep, and I was flipping through the channels.  Here in Chicago, the local ABC affiliate re-runs the Oprah Winfrey Show at 11 each night.  Since last night was Monday and there was a football game, the show was delayed about an hour.

Lucky me, at 12:30 I came upon Oprah's "Favorite Things" Christmas show, already in progress.  This is the spectacle that occurs every year in late November, where she spends an hour giving free advertising to things that she just can't live without.  Of course, Oprah being Oprah, she has to go the extra mile.  She gives one of each product she pimps on this show to each and every member of the studio audience.  The date of this show is always kept secret, so that the people who attend this particular show have no idea that they are about to hit the mother lode.

The only reason I mention this show is to describe the reaction of the audience as each "gift" is revealed.  From what I can see, I'd guess about 200 people are in the audience at an Oprah show.  They scream.  Man, do they scream.  It's obnoxious, embarrassing, and completely ridiculous.  It has to be heard to be believed.  You'd think these people are in the midst of a ten year losing streak and have had nothing good happen to them ever.

This is what I would like to see next year for the "favorite things" show: seat audiences in two different studios.  Only one will see the actual show.  At the exact same time that the people at that show are finding out what gift they are receiving next, pots of boiling oil will rain from the ceiling onto the other audience.

And if you are standing outside of both studios, you will not know which event is occurring where.

Have yourself a medieval little Christmas.

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