24 October 2004

Note to the Fox network

You certainly got a great matchup for the World Series.  Boston and St. Louis are two of the best teams in the league, rich in history with a lot of underlying stories to share.  Chances are this series will go the full seven games and you will reap the riches of a ratings bonanza.

I saw most of tonight's 11-9 Red Sox win, and I'd like to make a few points:

1. Do we have to see the reaction of every fan inside Fenway Park when the Red Sox screw up?  You already showed us every person who attended the series against the Yankees during the ALCS.  I'd rather see the reaction of the players on the field.  And I don't need to see Ben Affleck anymore.  I know he's from Boston, but I'd guess that his presence inside of the park means that one less average Joe fan doesn't get in to see the game.  He doesn't deserve to be there, even if Matt Damon is sitting on his lap.

2. We know Stephen King is there, and that he is a big Red Sox fan.  He's even writing a book about this season.  But there is a reason that he is an author and not an actor: he's very scary looking.  So stop showing him all the time as well.

3. Interesting choice of announcers for the series.  Joe Buck does St. Louis games during the regular season, and Tim McCarver played most of his career with the Cardinals.  I could detect the subtle pinings for Cardinal success from both a few times tonight.  Isn't this a conflict of interest?  I mean, you wouldn't have a news channel full of nothing but Republicans, would you?  OOPS!...never mind.

4. There is no such thing as a curse.  You can mention 1918, 1946, 1967 and 1986 all you want, but those years have nothing to do with a curse.  Thank God the Cubs didn't make it or we'd be seeing goats everywhere.

5. The whole "God Bless America" thing was touching in 2001, but that needs to go away as well.  For the 7th inning stretch it's either "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" or ads for whatever reality series you are premiering next week that's destined to finish in 141st place in the ratings this season.  Speaking of which, I have an idea for "The Swan."  Why not go one step further and make the contestants jam themselves into an egg for the big finish so that they can burst out new into the world like a real swan does?

6. A nine inning game tonight lasted four hours.  That means it ended at midnight in Boston.  How about starting a game or two at six, or (GASP) playing one during the day?  On a side note, when the game creeps past midnight and it's a school night, don't show us any kids still in the stands.  DCFS has enough work to do already.

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